I hate everyone around me. Nothing, makes me happy anymore. Sleeping forever doesn’t seem so bad. When I’m gone, I hope they choke on it. I don’t care anymore. I’m miserable and I want to die. Being with Jesus would be amazing. I’m forever alone anyways.
Six months clean and every day is getting harder and harder. I hate myself. I have had an eating disorder since I was in the 7th grade. People used to say I was fat or I wasn’t skinny enough or that I was too skinny. Everyone wonders why I am so skinny how I stay this skinny, I used to go 3 days without eating at all until my body became too weak to go on. And I had to eat then. Eating a few crackers makes me so sick. Every time I look in a mirror I just want to smash it. I was to disappear and run far away so my face never has to be a bother you anymore. I was often down in guidance because family was worried for me. Every time I eat, I am so sick with myself. I haven’t cut for six months now, but I keep getting so close to just wanting to. Because I no longer feel so strong, I am so sick of having to be strong. I want to be weak and just bleed it all out. My poetry is the only thing that understands me. I don’t understand me half the time. I want to just be alone right now. You told me I was worthless and pathetic. You said I did this for attention and that I didn’t need real help. I am so upset. I hate myself, I always have&&I always will. And you’ll never know because this damn smile covers it all.